Marie Kondo has flipped my life upside down. She asks the impossible. Get rid of books? Madness.
But, in a spirit of improvement, I found myself the other day going through my books, including old notebooks, leafing through pages to see if there was anything worth keeping.
Well, I something I thought worth keeping.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a piece of bullet fiction co-written by me and my brother, Kevin Baldwin. We wrote it in a half hour about 12 years ago. I wrote a sentence, then he wrote a sentence. I’m sorry in advance.
Little O’Malley or Fred cir. 2007
by Kenny and Kevin Baldwin
Once upon a time, there was a dog named Fido. The poor dog was nostalgic, Very nostalgic. He kept thinking about old girlfriends, past friendships, and the good ‘ole days.
One day, while he was being very sad, he tripped over a pot of gold. By tripping over the pot’o’gold, he awakened an intoxicated, aggressive leprechaun. Stumbling and grumbling, the leprechaun started insulting Fido, because he knew it’d be easier easier to harm him emotionally rather than physically. Such logic was surprisingly accurate given the mental state of the leprechaun, however before he insulted Fido, he though it fit to introduce himself.
“Aya, my *hic * name be little O’Malley, though you can just call me Fred.”
Fido ate Fred.
The leprechaun was so intoxicated that by eating Fred, Fido got a little bit tipsy as well. So he ate the pot of gold too…
Walking down the street, Fido started to get indigestion, and started hallucinating. The first thing he saw was Kevin’s handwriting, and it was so messy and gross that he tried to die right then and there. Then he saw on further inspection that Fred was hidden in Kevin’s handwriting. So he ate it…
Fido woke up! It was all a bad dream. Fred was actually sitting right next to Fido, but this time Fred wasn’t alone.
He had a tribe of dog eating locals. The locals were about to eat Fido when… Fido woke up again!
This time he looked to his left, all he could see was teeth. Upon closer inspection, he noticed a 500 foot Purple Dragon. Those were rare and deadly. Fido knew what he had to do, and luckily there was a Starbucks on the corner. He bought a double mocha hazelnut dolce latte with tow pumps of whipped cream, tall, and gave it to the dragon with some sunglasses. The dragon took them and immediately started reciting poetry… and then ate Fido.